Choice and Accountability

So for about two weeks a couple of months ago we had to keep track of everything we did at work. Or at least everything work-related. Right? I at least only kept it to that. Whoops if I did it wrong. Too bad I can't remember that far back. Anyway, I thought I should bring it back for my own personal accountability. And so you all can see how creative I get to come up with things to do to kill time, especially on Fridays, especially when I can't wait to get home and see Shawn. This is my Friday workday (8-5).
Let's see. It's noon right now. This is how I've spent the past four hours.
Got in around 7 after. Running a bit late.
Checked E-mails. Deleted a bunch of junk e-mails. Looked at dumb forwards from Dad. One interesting--he was printed in a magazine in the letter to the editor about global warming! Wrote loads in blog. Wrote freakishly long e-mail to Shawn, even if he didn't write me. That's love. Talked online to website address, you can still access it on campus. Checked E-mails. No E-mail from Shawn. Some forwards. Read the Seattle Movie times. Checked a bunch movies. Checked a bunch of movies and actors on Imdb. Checked everyone's blog. Janay, Rachel and Trish for variable amounts of time. As opposed to various. Ate some double stuffed oreo cookies. Ate butterscotch pudding, followed by triple chocolate pudding. And some cheeto puffs and a granola bar (I had waffles for breakfast! Without butter and syrup [I WAS RUNNING LATE!].). Checked E-mails again. Read news and gossip online. Checked facebook. Checked Shawn's music myspace webpage (I discovered that if you know the exact myspace. yay.). Text messaged Shawn about tonight. Talked and gossipped with coworkers.
Now it's 1:30. In all I've probably done about 45 minutes of actual work. Krista showed me how to do an expense report for a girl needing to be reimbursed for going to a psych convention. And I graded an independent study by some dude from Mexico with questionable grammar.
I plan on reading a chapter from my scriptures and then read my book that I brought with me, and pretend to do some more "work" on the internet. Sigh. Three and a half more hours.

Read my chapter and have started my book! Talked with my coworker about her pregnancy (a daily occurrence) set up a lap top for my boss (add five more minutes to actual work) checked e-mails again. read news again. talking online with former roommate. Aw. two hours eighteen minutes left.

always one foot on the ground

So I finished Catch-22 (which took A MONTH), The Catcher in the Rye (three days) and the Message (two days) all in the past week. And about 75 pages into Everything is Illuminated. I like to read. I can't believe it's already Wednesday. What an improvement on the week it makes when Monday is a holiday! Although it hits the paycheck a bit harder than preferred. Anyway, literarily (is that a word?) I thought Catcher in the Rye was the most well-written, Catch-22 was the most thought-provoking and the Message was one of the worst-written books I've ever read but also one of the most inspirational. I recommend all three, but with reservations.

My mom tried on some clothes at Cabellas. Which is an AMAZING store. Although I could do without the plethora of dead stuffed animals everywhere. And when I say everywhere I MEAN EVERYWHERE. Anyway, it wasn't until we were out to the car that my aunt pointed out the fact that my mom had put her pants on backwards. She whispered it to me and I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself! Oh Wendy! Bless.

Gabe, Shawn and I went bowling on Saturday. Shawn wasted us the first game. Gabe wasted us the second. Both were with bumpers. *Blush* it was both embarrassing and hilarious and painful--the second time Gabe went up to bowl (or perhaps the third) he threw too hard, and it went down the lane next to ours... right in the middle of a guy's turn. Yeah. That's the second time that's happened when I've been around (the first was before my mission). Oh Gabe. Shawn just winced and covered his face, it being too painful to witness any further.

My grandma says he's (Shawn) just darling. Those words. And my cousin's middle kid, Briar, remembered Shawn (he's the one with blonde hair! Briar said to prove it) and not me (Josh said, "Oh Briar, you remember Kari! She's really nice!" Aw. Thanks Josh. At least *sob* SOMEONE appreciates!).

We went geocashing! First time I've ever gone. I'll have to bring my camera tomorrow to work, although I lost the connections temporarily to the computer since I cleaned my room last night. The bathroom is spotless, too! Yay. Anyway, cute pictures. I found the first treasure, the others beat us to the second one and found it before we even arrived so I didn't bother getting out of the car, and the third they beat us again, but they hid it for us so we found it about ten minutes after them. Geocashing is very addicting. And a cute family activity. Unless you do it with the freakishly unapologetic inappropriately competitive Walkers. COME ON BRANDON! Give me a break! Then it elicits eye-rollage.

Shawn, Gabe and I also saw Spiderman. Poor Shawn paid for it. I'd hardly say we got our money's worth. It was AWFUL!! Really? Peter Parker goes emo (complete with black eyeliner, and I swear they dyed his hair) and starts dancing (ALSO while he's just walking!) and playing the piano? And Topher is REALLY that unconcerned by the fact that his girlfriend is barely hanging on for dear life hundreds of feet above ground? And Peter REALLY says to James, "You came...!" And James REALLY keeps calling him, "Buddy"? REALLY? It just kept getting worse and worse and increasingly more ridiculous. Too much. And they have Kirsten Dunst sing like TWICE?! REALLY?! I used to think Tobey Macguire was a remarkably good actor, but either the dialogue, the direction was bad, or Tobey has taken a turn for the worse. Oh you guys! COME ON! And the venom black grease stuff just HAPPENS to crash just yards away from where Spidey and Kirsten are making out? REALLY?! Wow. Wow. That's all. Three and a half more hours of work with nothing really to do. Sigh.

Same boy you've always known

Shawn comes home today!
I'm cranky because I didn't get much sleep last night!
Got to watch TV yesterday! That was fantastic! Especially Bill O'Reilly ( Dennis Miller is great I must say). Although a guest host was on instead. Sigh. Oh well.
So you think you can dance just started, as well as... shoot, what's it called again? The Lot or something like that? It's a new reality show about directing. And it's great. And it has Carrie Fischer. Which is great.
My mom's idea of a good time was to take all of us to the mall yesterday. Gabe and I wandered around for awhile, he got some food, and only ate half of each hamburger, because even though I picked out all the lettuce tomatoes and pickles, there were still bits of onion in it (BITS!!!!!!!). And then barely touched the fries. And then nearly puked several times. We then went to the Gamestop shop, where I asked ('for my brother, really!!!!') when the new Zelda game for DS was to come out. He bought a pokemon game and a player's guide to go along with it. Then he wanted to go to a bookstore (what?!) but all they had was deseret books, and he refused to even enter it. He wanted Borders or Barnes and Noble. Man, I missed that kid. He used the word "postpone" yesterday and I about died. And when I poke him furiously on the shoulder saying "Gabey baby Gabey baby"over and over in a really obnoxious high-pitched voice, he just takes it for a minute, and then asks me some random question about a TV show or movie or game or something. As if I hadn't been trying desperately to get on his nerves or elicit some reaction. Gotta love family.

Especially when my mom chooses to loudly nitpick my posture on the way out to the car, prodding, poking and pushing my shoulders back and my back straight.

You hold it and I 'll squeeze

It's embarrassing where the title came from. And it is nearly as bad as it sounds. Just ask Rachel. Do I really have to upload the pictures? Can't you just look on facebook? Grumble. Here are a few. I'm too tired and lazy to put the rest.




And my first roommate from freshman year just got engaged to her boyfriend of a billion years. I wish them all the happiness! Aren't they just so sweet and tender?

Practice?

So I had a great weekend. Fantastic! Amazing. Brilliant. Spectacular. And not just because of all the things my Mom bought for me. Which was quite a bit, some required but all desired. I got a haircut! And new shoes! And new...unmentionables! And new clothes! New art supplies! New kitchen stuff! Basically my mom loves me. A lot. And she has the receipts to prove it. We both got facials done at the Bon Losee Academy (where i got my haircut as well). It was quite lush. And the girl there said I had beautiful hands (my nails are really long right now, which does NOT make typing easy but they're great for back scratches. And sometimes you just have to prioritize. I mean let's be honest. How often do I REALLY type, compared to scratch someone's (or my own) back? Come on!). It was her birthday that day, too. She was way cute. But sitting there with no makeup on and crap hair (this was right before I got my haircut) being surrounded by skinny, thickly made up, gorgeous peroxided giggly 19-yr-olds, that was rough. DON'T... FIT... IN... BUT... AT... LEAST... I... HAVE... A... SWEET... SPIRIT... RIGHT? I always have a hard time telling if I like my haircut, too, if I'm not wearing any makeup. Is that weird? So anyway, the second I hit the car I busted out the makeup and put some on. WHEW. Cute haircut after all. Thank goodness!
I got new contacts, too. Still trying to get used to them. I keep sitting closer to the computer than I need do, out of habit, which is a great recipe for a headache.
Because my little cousin Kaylee is getting baptized in a couple of weeks, and my aunt's 50th birthday is the week after that, my mom decided to lengthen her stay. by another three weeks. She's crazy! But this is exciting because now (besides you of course Rachel. I'd say Janay, too, but she has new friends and doesn't need me any more. Yeah, I see how it is!) I have someone to hang out with during the week when Shawn ditches me for greener pastures. To make them brown. At least for three weeks. ALSO, Gabe is coming to visit tomorrow! Holy CRAP he is the CUTEST GUY EVER!!! Rex is close, FREAKISHLY CLOSE, but still. Gabe is cuter. Because he's mine. MINE. But I plan to take him and Shawn bowling. Gabe is the cutest bowler! He's just cute. i'm going into convulsions right now just thinking about itdsjkflasjdfa
Moving on, it was great to spend time with the family. I hadn't seen my mommy since Christmas (and MAN that went fast!) so it was good to catch up in person. And for her to spend more time with Shawn. and to hang out with my little cousin Kaylee! She's so funny. I got a new digital camera, too (my mom is such a push over. It's my early birthday present. Yeah. My birthday isn't until August.), so I was able to take loads of pictures of everyone. Well, Grandma refused, despite being a beauty, and I didn't get any of Yu hua or Rick (aunt and uncle), because they were usually upstairs. Grandma insisted on going shopping with Mom and me (even at my age, I found all of the shopping really draining. It wears me out like nothing, so you can imagine what a spry trooper she is!) and she said I needed to wear makeup (which I do, but apparently not bright or thick enough. She said I needed more color. And that Shawn needed new shoes.). And they refused to buy me anything brown. Except one shirt, but that had white polka dots, so it hardly counted.
My uncle got married! He looked so happy! And Shawn looked freaking hot. Seriously. I wish I had gotten a picture. But the batteries on my camera died. Yeah. I don't want to hear it. He was wearing this dark teal shirt with a matching hot tie, with a black jacket and slacks. And shoes and socks. I had a hard time controlling myself. Apparently one of my cousins told my mom (grandma?) that he was hot, too. And when it's not to your face you can guarantee it's true. When it's to your face, it depends. Obviously.
DANG IT. I just broke a nail. Past the quick. Well, it got caught. It's not completely off, but that means I have to cut it short. And cut the rest short. Argh. O THE HUMANITY. Now they're going to hurt and feel weird for the next two days. And take a month to grow back. No backscratches for anyone. So I guess it's a good thing my dad's not coming, because he loves my backscratches.
Anyway, it was great to see everyone! We went for a hike yesterday--my uncle literally lives at the base of these mountains in Alpine--but Kaylee insisted we take the tamer route which led AWAY from the mountains and TOWARDS this poor excuse for a playground. And I realized I've lost any and all ability to do pull-ups. I tried. Shawn did two pull-ups. Show off. I guess I've lost all my upper body strength. So yeah. Kaylee is just as cute as ever. Especially with Shawn. He insists she doesn't like him, but I think she's warming up to him great. It just takes time.

And we played piano together. And then Kaylee showed us up big time by playing Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, have I mentioned she's barely eight?

And my mom so obligingly told Shawn that I was held back in kindergarten (which I think he already knew) because I wasn't emotionally prepared enough to move on to the first grade (basically I cried all day everyday over everything), and that I had to be in speech therapy for a year or two in elementary school. Which he didn't know. Apparently this was because (I didn't know THIS part) Gabe had severe speech impediments and we played with him so much, and my mom rarely talked to us, that we picked up his speech patterns more than my folks. She said it was because it was so freaking boring talking to little kids, so she rarely did. Thanks mom. At least she did read to us a lot. Fond memories connected with that.

Anyway, if I remember, pictures will be included as of tomorrow. So stay tuned!

I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the doggies I see

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGRYYYYYYYY. Shawn can say that a lot better than I can. Sigh. So there was this STUPID DOG that barked ALLLLLLLLL NIGHT. I turned on the fan, but I'm not one of those white-noise type people where the fan can function to block out all other noises while still being subtle enough to facilitate my own sleep. No, that just kept me up, too. I couldn't decide which was worse. So, basically I barely slept a wink last night. And when I finally turned off the fan the first time my alarm went off (I snoozed the alarm clock like three or four times this morning) THE DOG WAS STILL BARKING!!!!! I need earplugs. Why didn't the owners shut the stupid dog up? Or at least shoot it? I don't get it. I just don't get it. Anyway, even though my birthday is three months away from tomorrow, I talked my mom into getting me my birthday present early: a digital camera! Hurray!!!!!!!! I've been DYING for one, and Shawn's not exactly the best sharer (it's true, Shawn, admit it) so, um, yeah. She acquiesced to my request. I'm getting new clothes today, too! So excited. I've been wearing the same five shirts for the past year, (basically the last time I went shopping, except for those two shirts I bought in Park City a couple of weeks ago. Wow that went fast!) so it'll be nice to add a few more to the mix. I also should be getting a haircut today or tomorrow. Wow, I almost wrote two morrow. As in I wrote it but then deleted it. That's how tired I am. Shawn got back early! And my mom somewhat behaved herself around him, better than expected, so that was good. At least yesterday. We're getting together today and loads of extended family tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. *fingers crossed*


Through a string of events I came across this. And liked it a lot more than I should. No I am NOT into sado-masochism, although I still insist, being backed by both Janay and Rachel and I'm sure every girl in the audience, that the scene where Hamlet threw around Ophelia in BYU's production of Hamlet was one of the hottest scenes of ANYTHING EVER. Gotta love the take-charge type.

I read the news today, oh boy

sell-out-has-been or stick-it-to-the-man?
I'm so confused. He's promoting his new CG movie about bees that he wrote himself, and does the voice over for the main character, Barry B Benson. Oh Seinfeld.

My Tigers My Heart
The mum of the three tigers (the far right is the dog's own pup) rejected them, so the zookeepers (as apparently is common practice) had a nursing dog give them milk. They usually have to cover the little guys in dog urine so the mom will think the tigers are her own, but this one didn't mind. Does that hurt you as much as it does me? So sweet.

Jenna Fischer, whom we all know as Pam from the Office, fell down a flight of stairs and broke her back in like four places. But she's okay! She just needs a month or two to recuperate. Yikes, eh! We need you Pam, but more importantly, Jim needs you!

Half the stories were about celebrities caught on camera with wardrobe malfunctions.
A quarter were about American Idol. Although I'm secretly pleased because one of the two finalists is from my home town of Bothell, Washington.
Apparently some kid from Japan, 17 years old mind you, decapitated his mother, and carried the head to I think authorities, although I may be mixing up what he did with the head with ANOTHER story where ANOTHER kid decapitated their own mother's head in Asia.

One more hour then I'm done with work. And start with mom. She said she was the most excited about seeing me. The rest... notquitesomuch. Although I do secretly think she'd be the most excited about seeing her sister, my aunt Terri, but alas she's in Africa. So I'm number one by default. And I'm perfectly okay with that.

Surprised by Joy

Wow. I just spent three hours making copies and collating and sticking them into folders for graduate students planning on going on internship. Good times. I collated all the cute colored ones for the right side, while my blessed coworker Monica is doing all the plain white ones for the left side. My back my back. They'd better appreciate and recognize. Or there will be offensive threatening notes in the next batch.
Anyway, today I'm celebrating the word joy. The title of my blog comes from a book of C.S. Lewis. His wife's name was Joy. Isn't that sweet? And I'm pretty sure the title also comes from a poem (play? too lazy to look it up).

Upon learning that my art teacher had served his mission in Cambodia, I just HAD to ask him a language question. When I was in elementary school, my sister taught me that the word 'joy' meant the F-word in Cambodian. Embarrassingly enough, that unverified fact stayed with me all these years. And I just HAD to know if that was true.

It was.

A professor came in, HILARIOUS woman, while we secretaries were organizing a tubful of toys for an autism test, and began playing with a dump truck sitting on the front desk. She then began to relate to us how her son, when he was in kindergarten, couldn't say his "tr's" so he would call them a "dumb f*ck" instead. Yeah. She said it. Twice.

I love my job.

I never thought I'd be in a professional, academic, largely Mormon environment where I would be constantly exposed to profanity. I even read an assignment sent in today for independent study that said hell. Incorrectly (as in for a swear word, not the location.). It's great. The joys of being a secretary!

Well, how come I don't FEEL like the one?

Well, I had a good weekend. Got to spend a lot of time with Shawn, did barely anything productive, got to catch up with a couple of freshman year friends, and eat great Indian food with Shawn and his family while watching Kramer vs. Kramer. Not sure how I feel about the ending. I mean, I'm happy that at the end of the day, the right thing was done, but not how it got there... never mind. I'm tangenting. It's what I'm into! Here are people that surprisingly like and/or understand me and demonstrations thereof:
My Dad. My folks got a check in the mail for sixty bucks as a mortgage refund. My mom told my dad to just spend it how he wanted, and he sent it to me! I didn't even have to whine for it! Just a nice surprise.
My Grandma. She told my mom she wanted to go shopping with her and me on Friday, because she likes me so much (since when?! I mean I know she loves and likes me, but I've never considered myself to be a particular favorite of hers), but it's PROBABLY because I have a boyfriend now so I'm now all of a sudden exciting, and because I won't accept cash from her (apparently the only grandchild to turn it down, although I will accept VCR's and TV's. I know), but mostly because, as she told my mom, I crack her up. Oh Grandma!
Shawn. He and Brady left to go get some cleaning supplies after a slight mishap involving sauce and the carpet occurred (it WASN'T ME!) and they turned and asked if we (meaning Annalisa and I) wanted anything. I scrunched up my face, and Shawn in turn said, "That means she wants chocolate." Aw. It's scary how well he knows me sometimes.

F%$# your teen angst. I'm dying.

Poor Stacey. I just got off the phone with her and apparently my mom told her how I was hurt by Stacey pressuring me about school and Shawn and life and motherhood and my identity and everything. I wasn't really hurt, just irritated. It broke my heart though because it sounded like she was more hurt by my being hurt or irritated than I was to begin with. If that makes sense. Bless her heart. IT'S OKAY STACEY. NOT A BIG DEAL. I'm over it. I guess I'm just grateful that she's self-aware enough to realize that not everything she says is the gospel truth, and that I have different priorities and dreams than she. I have difficulties with people who aren't humble about things like that because there's no reasoning with them. Like take Jared for instance... Just kidding... OR AM I?!? While we were talking on the phone she apologized, which caught me off guard at first because I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about until she explained herself. Awwwww Stacey. That's why we not only make great sisters but friends.
Watched Dreamland a few nights ago with Rachel. Basically because it had Justin Long in it. Shawn's not around, so I guess that's the next best thing, right? A dumb indie movie with a former teenage celebrity crush in it? Right? Oh man, his hair was so bad in it, and he was supposed to play an athlete. NO Justin NO. Part of his appeal is the fact that he's just such a dork. A COOL dork, but a dork nonetheless. And we're expected to believe that this pasty toothpick is supposed to be a basketball player? And I was the head cheerleader in high school.
It was interesting to analyze with Rachel. There were loads of unnecessary unflattering cleavage in it (support becomes even MORE important, the more heavily endowed you are. You'd think that stupid blonde chick would've figured it out, but no.), a really obnoxious, aforementioned blonde chick that was dying from MS, and dreamed of one day being Miss America. Stupid stupid stupid. Her name was Sydney but at the beginning of the movie she decides to change it to Calista ("Calista Bliss") because it sounds 'hot.' She was beautiful, but that's really all she had going for her, and all she seemed to care about. And the fact that she was dying. And nobody likes a babe that feels sorry for herself. She and her best friend live in a trailer park. Her best friend, played by a chick named Agnes Something-or-other, is a lot deeper and cooler and just cares for her drunk of a dad (miscast, but still good--the dad that is) and her dying shallow best friend. And people who think they're deep or misunderstood get on my nerves, too. Especially when THEY'RE the one to point it out. It's like humility I suppose. The moment you say you're deep (or think deeply), it negates the fact that you are. At least to me. ANYWAY, Justin goes out with the blonde chick at Agnes's urging, but secretly she and he fall in love. They don't DO anything except this steamy sort of half-kiss thing, but later she tells the blonde that she loves him and hopes he feels the same. Calista freaks out and follows him by stealing someone's motorcycle (by this time he leaves for school in Las Vegas), and of course her MS freaks out and she gets into an accident. COMPLICATIONS. And there's a bunch of weird beesting scenes. I think I get what it represents, but the scenes themselves are so weird, I think they detract from whatever point they're trying to get across. Anyway, in the end, Agnes and Justin get together, he gets a cute haircut (I WISH), And Calista electrocutes herself, but doesn't die. The electricity is supposed to help with the MS. Whatever. And John Corbett, the dad, gets a job. And Agnes goes to college, just like Emily Dickinson. Rachel loved the line, "They're having sex right now, aren't they? And it's beautiful..." Whatever Rachel, whatever. Rethinking the whole celebrity crush.
We watched the Apartment last night. I've seen it before and liked it a lot better this time around. With stars like Jack Lemmon and Shirley Maclaine, I was expecting a screwball comedy, but it was a lot darker than that. But MAN it kills you how much Jack just LOVES her and would do anything for her, even to the extent of allowing the neighbors and others to get the wrong end of the stick about why she overdosed at HIS house, in order to protect her. And she had tried to commit suicide over a stupid shallow womanizing married man. Argh. Anyway, THAT'S a truly most excellent movie.
At work I've been put in charge of a project that I suspect is only to give the secretaries something to do (ie busy work), but never mind. I have to go through all of the letters of recommend for ALL of the students in the past like eight years, write down the names and addresses of them if they were professors (those who wrote the recommends), and copy down other things in a spreadsheet. So if they like the student after a number of years, we would contact said professors to express appreciation and encourage them to recommend MORE people to the program. Blech. At least I'm to the fourth years, and the fourth year folders are purple. Purple always helps.

Valley Fever isn't a reference to the Bubble?

Have any of you heard of Valley Fever? My coworkers were talking about it today. Apparently it's prevalent in Southern California, and Hispanics, Asians and Africans are the most susceptible to it. It's a fungus in the air that once it gets inside continues to grow in your lungs. And causes a lot of coughing. Good times.
I've got a new roommate. Her name is Cherish. She's from Grand Junction, Colorado. I'm surprised by how much I LOVED Colorado when I went there over the summer for a wedding, although everyone kept trying to get me to couple up or at least get some with Jared's friend who was a less-active alcoholic... and Jared made me contribute to the lewd and perverse and extremely inappropriate decorating of the newlyweds car, but those are stories for another day. Cherish is more talkative than Rachel (I don't mean anything by it Rachel, so don't GET OFFENDED), by a LOT. And the "baby" in her family is my age, 23, and she mentioned something about considering going to the family ward--something along those lines--so my guess is she's in her late 20's and early 30's. And all she talked about was her mission and things that happened four years ago (I kept asking, oh wait, you mean THIS past general conference? And she's like, no, 2003. Um... I thought I was the only one living in the past...). I barely remember ANYTHING from my mission, and it was amazing that's she's been home for as long as she has been and was able to recall with apparent extreme accuracy all this stuff that happened to her (and that it was mostly what she had talked about, even though she's been home for so long. I mean I've been home for a year, and she told more mission stories in the span of 2-3 hours than I've told in the past 2-3 months). Mostly about all these elders that were deeply in love with her. And when she got home how most of her friends are guys and all these girls were and are jealous of her for being friends with such righteous babes, and she would be confused because they're just FRIENDS... She's getting her Masters in English. Graduated with a degree in English and Theater I think. She's hilarious, and it's obvious she's was a theater major by the way she tells her stories. I just couldn't help by try to analyze her... Was she trying to explain why she's in her late 20's/early 30's and still single or compensate for any suspicions by telling me all these stories? Still don't feel like I have my finger quite on it. Stay tuned for further news on that front. All in all though she seems like she'll be a lot of fun. And at least English is her first language...
I've started organizing my fabrics! Can't wait for new clothes. My old roommate moved her junk out of the bathroom and front room, so at least those are clean now. Except for my fabrics in the front room. And the bathroom can use a wipe down as well. But one thing at a time.
Shawn might be going to Wyoming. He's in Idaho right now, instead of Vernal, and if things don't work out he might be headed east to Wyoming. Which I don't like, because it means he'll be getting back LATER on Friday. Gwarsh. What about MY NEEDS!
Have a great Tuesday. I must say I'm thoroughly enjoying Catch-22. I'm about 200 pages into it, and have already started applying the said circular paradoxical reasoning to my everyday life. Which I'm not entirely sure is a good thing, but I just can't help it.

No pictures please

So I had a fantastic weekend, I must say. But alas, Shawn took all the pictures. As in he didn't steal them, he just owns the camera. And refused to give me any last night. Sigh. Which makes it difficult for me to make this a graphic entry, so I apologize and hope that you will direct your dirty sideways glances in his general vicinity. He will be in Vernal until Friday again this week, if that helps. Well, we left Saturday morning around 10:30. I promptly got carsick, which thankfully DID NOT result in my puking all over the backseat on Shawn or forcing the car to be pulled over to gracefully ralph over the side of the road; it just ended with me feeling angry and understanding Shawn's reservations more over his objections to Brady's driving abilities. Very bumpy I guess. Although I think it was more the smell of the car. Which didn't smell BAD per se--it just had a very car-ish SMELL, which for me usually facilitates the urge to vomit. It was great of them to invite us though, and beyond the ride there (even gum and avoiding reading didn't help! Which almost always does the trick) I loved every minute. And the ride back was a lot better. At the cabin they had this game called Hit the Spot that was the most addicting game I've played since Wario Woods. Dumb games but I just can't help myself.
And it was SO lush to see Shawn after a week of... um... no Shawn. I have to wait until Friday AGAIN to see him. Not sure how I feel about this.
We went shopping in Park City (Did I mention I HATE shopping?) and ended up getting two V-neck T shirts for about 6.50 each (on sale). Annalisa and Mindy were both great, though. I've gone shopping with other friends before where they take FOREVER and they want your opinion about EVERYTHING and then they continue to whine and moan and hesitate. But those two were basically in and out of most of the stores. Which I really appreciated. It was cute to observe how two sisters behaved when shopping together, too. Mindy sometimes would treat Annalisa the same way Stacey treats me. "Oh YOU don't like THIS." Okay, good to know...
It was also snowing. And at this one gourmet food place they had loads of samples, and MAN it was all I could do not to go back and eat every sample. Shawn said I could ONLY have one. Such a controlling boyfriend I have.
His aunt makes jewelry, and let us use her supplies to make bracelets, and Shawn made me one! It's a goofy bracelet made up of red, light blue, and dark blue beads that alternated with silver spacers. I'm wearing it today with one of the new T-shirts I bought over the weekend. Awww...
Church was a lot more fun than it should've been. When visiting, I usually only go to sacrament meeting and skip out on the rest, but we didn't realize how close the building was, we were without a car, and had to rely on Shawn's aunt Erin to drive us (and sacrament meeting is last). And his uncle is the Stake President. Keeping up appearances! We went for all three meetings, everyone was super-friendly, and Shawn had decided that if the Liberty ward was to be a movie, we were to be in charge of casting. Hence it being so fun. Even if he DIDN'T know who Christopher Plummer was, or couldn't remember what the actress looked like in Legally Blonde that Elle was defending. We even casted Woody from Toy Story and Samara from The Ring. And Mitch, Shawn's roommate. And the entire cast of Little Giants and The Mighty Ducks. It was great. And there was this little girl sitting in front of us just STARING at me but mostly at Shawn. Which made ME crack up during the hymn, and Shawn I think initially thought I was laughing at his singing (I LOVE the way he sings hymns--and I'm very particular, which, you know, just goes to show...), so I pointed her out, and then he couldn't stop laughing either. It's been a LONG time since I've been in a family ward so it took some major adjusting.
We went for a nice walk through the forest, too, and came across a reservoir which was very nice! And Shawn took loads of scenic pictures, and even acquiesced to allowing me to take one or two. The thoughtfulness. Yeah, can't wait to get my own digital camera (*baby!*).
We watched the Office as well on Shawn's computer which was hilarious as always. O Creed. I'm so confused.

Jessica STILL hasn't moved her stuff out AND she took a shower here this morning. I'M GETTING ANGRY!!!!!!!!!

MY LIFE!

I don't really know what to say, but I've been told to update my blog several times now, so... Um.... yeeeeeeeeahhhhh.......... Hmmmm.

Sorry if I've been cranky this week. A lot has been going on. Shawn's been away, there was a pregnancy scare (HAHAHAHAHA I just realized that that made it sound like I HAD a pregancy scare. Um.... NO! IDIOT! My sister was rushed to the hospital with strange pains in her right side. She's two months along, and therefore still going through a danger period, so the scare was HERS. NOT MINE! PERVERT!), my ROOMMATE WON'T MOVE HER CRAP OUT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL OUT TEN DAYS AGO, I've been tired and adjusting to the new work schedule, I FINALLY got the rest of my art supplies yesterday...

I got like three hours of sleep last night. I was FURIOUS. I did take a long nap yesterday, but that usually doesn't prevent my nighttime sleepage. I think what did it was my cleaning most of the house. Got way overstimulated by it, in the nonsexual sense (PERVERT!). My mind wouldn't slow down, and insisted on replaying the Belle and Sebastian songs I was listening to as I was cleaning.

Anyway, I did get to see a musical and a play last week. My Aunt Terri and Uncle Mykal treated Shawn and me to "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: The Musical." Now, I LOVE the movie, and was VERY apprehensive when I found out they added music to it and put it on the stage. But MAN ALIVE it was outstanding! And they even took us out for really good Mexican food right beforehand. Awww. THOSE TWO! Don't tell the others, but they're pretty much my favorite extended family members. As far as those who are older than me goes :).

The VERY NEXT NIGHT we saw "No Time for Sergeants" with Shawn's roommate Mitch playing several small roles in it. He was great, the play was great, although some of the players were obvious newcomers to acting, so a few small scenes came off a bit contrived. Bless! What was REALLY fun came after--we harassed Mitch to tell us what the actors were really like, and the truth was VERY enlightening! Stay away from Sergeant King. That's all I will say.

Finished reading "Angela's Ashes" yesterday. It was fantastic. Made me stay up and/or late for work on many occasions. Very much a Jim book, too (Jim being my Daddy). Reminds me a lot of him, and some of his childhood stories, although his Dad didn't drink away all the wages. And he grew up in Canada. And as far as I know they didn't lose any brothers or sisters to the galloping consumption or to anything. Just three boys.

I started Catch-22, which has been most excellent so far. Thanks Janay for letting me borrow. The sweetness.

Trying to think if there is anything else... Nope. Just sorry if I've been short with any of you! Itrysohard. My sister thinks I'm in danger of losing my identity. I'll show HER my identity. The nerve THE NERVE. Got my grades in yesterday. Or was it the day before? These days just blend in and out don't they! Anyway, I got the following: A, A-, A-, B, C-, in respectively, Intro to Drawing, US History, Biology, New Testament and Statistics. I was gunning for the C-. It was a B-I. Shawn got this: A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A-. I was disappointed in him by that last A-, too. Ridiculous. Clean yourself up, Shawn! Anyway, he's coming home tonight from work in Vernal! Can't... wait... and this weekend is going to be great. Hopefully the weather will improve. I love Park City. Oh and him, too. Him being Shawn. Of course.

details

So I told my boss about my... liberation problems, and she let me borrow her car to secure...independence? I can't think of any real effective euphemisms that doesn't simultaneously evoke images of the Revolutionary War. So thankfully I didn't have to go through the whole day... questioning my patriotism...

Apparently they're thinking about cutting back on secretaries. While my job isn't in jeopardy, the constant upkeep of my blog and e-mails are--we're not allowed to use the computer for personal use any more. Although we can at least still thankfully do homework. Hopefully this only lasts for a couple of weeks, because the summer will be hell if I can't talk to friends online. Or write in my blog. Or do anything beyond sit there and get intensely confused over the clinical psychology budget. Argh.

Today's stressful. And yesterday was insane. Can't wait for the semester to be over. And I'm so proud of myself. I registered for classes for fall semester, and four out of five of my classes satisfy GE requirements. And the fifth one is a painting class which will greatly contribute to my art portfolio. Can you imagine me being 100% productive like that? Weird, huh. No random just for fun classes for yours truly. I guess people can change... right? RIGHT??!?!

Annie waits... for the last time

Here are some things about me that you may or may not have known.

My mom REALLY wanted me. My grandma was so tickled by how desperately my mom wanted a girl that if I were a boy, she would get to keep me. They both got what they wanted, I guess! (but my grandma didn't get to keep Kyle, which is something I'm sure she was later grateful for...)
As a girl I was to be called Annie. If I were a boy it would've been Andy. Since we were twins, we couldn't be called Annie and Andy. Think about it. I still hold a grudge against Kyle, considering the name Annie is WAY cuter than Kari as a girls name. Kari is one of those androgenous names, although it is a bit more girlish than boyish. I mean hey, look at Cary Elwes.

I feel guilty if I don't dry my hair in the morning (although without fail, I always dry my bangs, or fringe as the English call it. I know. Weird). So if you see me sporting a ponytail, you can be rest assured that I'm nursing a major guilt trip.

Sometimes I don't wash my face at night just to be defiant. Or because I think I've earned the right not to--"Hey, I had a REALLY rough day and I'm tired! I deserve not to have to get proper ready for bed!"

This one time, the most popular and cutest boy in school (he was a sixth grader, I think I was a fourth grader), named Kenny, went up to me... and asked me... if my name was Penelope. After I said no, he turned around and went back to his group of friends and they all laughed at him. In the group was a girl named Dawn. When I was a first grader, we used to have these buddies that would come to class, and she was mine. I was her "hairdo friend." I don't think either of us really knew what that meant, except it sounded really cool at the time.

I feel guilty for just wanting to be a mom. Pressure from the sis doesn't help much either.

I don't really see the value in having artistic talents. As far as talents go, I think having it in the medical fields are much more contributing to this world. Which isn't necessarily right--everyone has different talents for a reason, but I'm not sure if I'd rather add to choices and quality of life, rather than contributing to the quality (and possibility) of health and existence, if that makes sense. Making pretty pictures doesn't really help anyone long-term. It just makes you say "got it" and walk on.

I put the trash bin at the curb this morning! It's probably the first time ever I've done that since moving here. Maybe second time. But doubtful.

I get really irritated if my roommate leaves a couple of things out, or leaves things in the fridge for exorbitant amounts of time, although I do the same (at least the former) but much worse.

I'm very particular about HOW people say my name--I'm not talking pronunciation, I'm talking inflection and tone. I hate the way Poncho says it. Like he knows a secret about me or something. It's icky. Don't tell him! I love the way the English say it. ALL of them. It's adorable. And they always say it so carefully the first time, like it's the first time they've EVER uttered the name. Like the 'r' has nothing to do with the first syllable.

I have COMPLETELY fainted on three separate occasions. I've come very close countless times. The most embarrassing though was when my best friend Amber Longhurst (now Brueseke) and I were sitting up on her bathroom counter, in I think the sixth grade, and she was desperately trying to put her contacts in. She was having a difficult time, and I was holding my breath as I watched her. So I basically forgot to breathe and completely passed out. Luckily her mom was standing behind us and caught me as I fell back. Here's the embarrassing part that I leave out when I tell this story to people. Apparently I snored as I fell back. *Blush* Out like a light.

Ouch. I just REALLY hurt my back lifting up a big box of xerox paper for a professor. My coworker's chair was sticking out enough that I couldn't lift it up all the way just yet, thereby stressing out my back as we both noticed and she pulled it back. Man alive.

One of the reasons why I don't like to cry is if I'm completely out and out bawling (which I think only Janay has seen in the past several years, at least friends-wise), I hyperventilate and I start to black out. A REALLY scary thing when you're driving!

Honestly, I don't care either way about the smell of most flowers. I think the great majority smell the same. There are, of course, a few exceptions.

Most of the things I love doing, I hate doing as well.

While I was looking up pictures for this blog, I came across some facts about Cary Elwes. Not only is his last name pronounced "el-wez" (I always thought it was el-wess) but he's not gay. Apparently he's happily married. Um... whoops.

I nearly just died of embarrassment. For the first time in my life, I forgot to put on a bra. Not really sure when I have the time to go home and put one on. And it's going to be a long day. I've been at work for an hour, and didn't notice until I had to walk to the mail room to drop something off. Luckily I'm wearing a sweater, but it's still a bit chilly. BLUSH! And I was so proud of myself for remembering everything. So of course, being Kari, I forgot a basic. Now if I had been an Annie...

We're Still Fighting It

Next time you're listening to that Ben Folds song, walk up stairs. I did this morning and it made me want to Carpe the Diem. Isn't it funny how certain songs are great but only when driving, walking, getting ready in the mornings, and/or cleaning? And I'm not talking about moods. Although let's talk about moods. Kari moods, if I may.
It's easy to tell how I'm feeling if you pay attention to the music I'm listening to at that particular time. While this is not completely foolproof, it's a good guide to go by.

Listen to Careful when you're cleaning. Listen to Oldies when getting ready in the mornings--Monkees, Beatles and Mamas and the Papas and John Denver are always safe bets. Or Belle and Sebastian. Listen to B & S or David Bowie when walking. It makes you actually like people instead of get incredibly frustrated at how they're walking right in a group right in front of you while walking at a snail-pace. Listen to Pink Floyd when driving.

When I'm feeling slightly or incredibly depressed, or a bit upset I listen to:
Cat Stevens
Badly Drawn Boy
Carole King
Etta James

Actually, because I'm feelin' it, I'm going to put the ultimate Kari depressive or just feeling pensive music list. Now some of these are actuallly kind of happy songs, but they still make me feel a bit sad for some reason. Don't ask me why.

Trouble--Cat Stevens
A Minor Incident and Silent Sigh by Badly Drawn Boy
Home Again by Carole King
Vienna--Billy Joel
Father and Farther by Jim Boyd
I Will Follow You Into the Dark--Death Cab for Cutie
Never Surrender--Corey Hart
Good Day--Dresden Dolls
Summer and Piano Stories by Joe Hisaishi
Never My Love -- The Association
You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
Ticket to Ride--The Beatles
I Need You (That Thing You Do)- The Wonders
Making Love Out of Nothing at All - Air Supply
Total Eclipse of the Heart--Bonnie Tyler
She Talks to Angels--Black Crowes
Please Don't Tell Her--Jason Mraz
Tonight (And the Rest of my life)--Nora Gordon
Ooh La La--The Faces
Boston--Augustana
Lightning Crashes--Live
It Looks Like You--Lick the Tins
Two Points for Honesty, Careful and Demon by Guster
All I Could do was Cry--Etta James (basically anything she does)
At the Dark End of the Streets--The Commitments
Fidelity--Regina Spektor
You and Me--Cranberries
Wish You Were Here--Pink Floyd
Heart of Mine--Peter Sallett
Angel Eyes--Jim Brickman
Buried--Shawn Wiggins
One Way Love--EG Daily
People Like Us by The Talking Heads
Out of My Head--Fastball

Here are my blissfully happy songs
All The Way Up to Heaven--Guster
I want you to want me--Cheap Trick
Let My Love Open the Door--Pete Townshend
Life on Mars--David Bowie
I've Just Seen a Face, Act Naturally and I Will by The Beatles
Annie Waits and Zac and Sara by Ben Folds
Wild Wild Life--Talking Heads
Wonderful World--Sam Cooke
Downtown and I know a Place--Petula Clark
Dream a Little Dream of Me and This is Dedicated (To the One I love)--The Mamas and the Papas
Baby I Love to See you Smile, Short People, Political Science--Randy Newman (among others)
Your Song--Love Psychedelico
Crazy Little Thing Called Love--Queen
Stacey's Mom--Fountains of Wayne (makes me laugh every time I hear it)
Brand New Key--Melanie
Heart of Mine--Peter Sallett (I know! It depends what mood I'm in to begin with)
You Turn Me On (I'm a Radio)--Joni Mitchell
Who Put the Bomp--Barry Mann
Funny Little Frog and If She Wants me by Belle and Sebastian
Picturesque--Bryce Kulak
What I like about You--The Romantics
Rock this Town and Stray Cat Strut by the Stray Cats
You might Think--The Cars
I Believe in a Thing Called Love--The Darkness
Concrete and Clay--Units 4+2
Everyday I write the Book--Elvis Costello
Burning Love--Elvis Presley
Every Little Thing she does is Magic--The Police
We're Going to Be Friends and Hotel Yorba by The White Stripes
Be Gentle with Me and My Tiger and Me--The Boy Least Likely To
Because--Dave Clark Five
Tribute--Tenacious D

These lists are by no means complete. Anyway I'm embarrassed that I've done this because I fully expect make-funnage from my boyfriend and close friends by some of the choices. And it seems rather Emo to do something like this doesn't it? Ew. Sigh.

I've been watching The Tenth Kingdom, borrowed from Janay. It's a miniseries. I remember when it played on TV. Wow I must be desperate for entertainment. It gets kind of tedious working on art though with nothing in the background. I'm surprised that Diane Weist agreed to do it. Pretty horrifying Janay. But as far as mindless cheesy entertainment goes, it gets the job done.

Shawn came home yesterday! Finally. The whole waiting thing was ridiculous. Janay and Rachel agree that Shawn could be the next Kurt Cobain. Would that possibly make me the next Courtney Love? Ew. No Shawn, NO. I totally support you in your music, but I'm telling you right now, I will not support your drug habits. And I don't expect you to support mine.

Getting so exciting!

So is it wrong that it totally made my day that when I got ready this morning and was listening to the radio I caught the last minute of "Afternoon Delight" on the Oldies station? It was kind of nice to finally hear more of the lyrics that even in Arrested Development were found to be so suggestive and inappropriate. Te, hee. And YES they were!

I had the strangest dream last night. First of all, myself and maybe (?) Shawn (someone else was there, but I can't remember) were in an art museum, and we ran into Angelina Jolie. She was so small! Not as short as me but smaller than expected. Anyway, she starts to pitch something like Mary Kay to us! We agreed to let her come over later, which she did. And it turned out that she and Brad Pitt had broken up like a year ago, and she was now with Gary Sinise. Yeah, I know. WEIRD. So she comes over to my house like the next day or something, with all this makeup and stuff, and she tells us all about it, but doesn't try to sell it to us!!!! Yeah, I'm confused, too. Anyway, it switches over to where I'm now at church, about 15 minutes before sacrament is to begin, and my mom comes over to me with a flute, asking if I wanted it, saying that she wanted to run it by me first, because Stacey always gets EVERYTHING (which is true!!! But it's funny because I think THINK Stacey owns that flute in real life, back from elementary school). I'm like "MOM! I can't play it! I've tried to play the flute!" I demonstrated and sure enough, nothing really came out. But there was a hole at the tip of the flute, and I blew into that, and music came out! And I played it almost like a clarinet. I know. Weird. But what was even weirder was that I started to improvise on it, and this great song came out! And my mom beckoned for these guys to come over (which included Tyler, of Tyler Bell, and Elder Thomas, now McKay, who was both a District Leader and Zone Leader to me on my mission. But not at the same time, and probably Shawn. He's always in my dream somewhere, and a couple of other guys whom I can't recall) and I tried to start playing again, and it was rough at first, but then I started to play Kari's Waltz, the little instrumental that Shawn once wrote for me to cheer me up, and they started singing along to it! And somehow they all knew the words, even though they were making it up as they went along!

Needless to say the song is now firmly stuck in my head.

Nothing more than FEELINGS

Wow, yesterday was a BIG DAY. BIG TIME. A lot of news. A LOT OF NEWS. One of which ISN'T that Smith's carries honey roasted sunflower seeds, which I have been looking for since literally elementary school. They're heaven itself. That would've been news from earlier this week. I made this delicious meal from scratch yesterday, too. I'd describe it to you, but you'd probably be grossed out, but I was raised on it, and it's delicious! Without measuring utensils either. Just vague directions from my mommy over the phone. And *sob* I like a punk/alternative song. Isn't that sick? I didn't know at the time I promise! The first time I heard it was from a Battlestar Galactica commercial on TV. It's "It Ends Tonight" by *shudder* The All-American Rejects. They think that just because I like ONE song like that, that I'll suddenly convert and start wearing black eyeliner. Yeah, right... Um... (it's black/brown eyeliner, and WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!!!).

Anyway, I digress. BIG NEWS:

My sister, after she and her husband have been trying for five years (intermittently, as he was in Iraq for months at a time throughout), is six weeks pregnant! She was absolutely dumbfounded when she found out, as was Jared, but more than anything thrilled beyond measure. We all have our fingers crossed that things will work out. She said she will probably be able to hear the baby's heart beat within a week or two. Something like that. She'll be out of the most/main danger in another six weeks. I said to avoid any possible complications she should be confined to bed or at least her hobby table. She agreed, but the plan didn't sound very plausible. Unless you move the kitchen into her room. At least that's how things are going to be when I get pregnant. Can't wait to not feel so guilty about being so lazy (but what about the baby?!?! I can't lift that/cook that/make that/clean that/do that/I suppose I could eat that...). I mean... what? No I don't think I'll be that bad. Close... but... um... no. Unless under doctor's orders. Anyway, they've been feeling this coming for awhile, but still flabbergasted when it actually HAPPENED. They had talked to their bishop I think prior to finding out, and he had similar words of comfort for them as well. Dah dah dahhhhh... The feelings one gets!

My parent's house fell through. They were already moved in and everything. But the funny thing is, they feel really relieved about it! Of course, disappointed and my Dad, upon asking, said he felt "lousy" at the idea of having to repack and move everything to storage and find a place to live all in one weekend. Blech. Poor guys. But they both felt like they were just "too middle-class" for such a nice home! They could've scrounged up the last minute money they needed for an unexpected bill that came up, but decided ultimately against it. They just got out of debt, and wouldn't want to have to deal with that again any time soon. Good times. They're so funny. Neither of them felt good about the place after they moved in, (my mom said she felt too exposed, since the house wasn't surrounded by big potentially dangerous evergreen/cedar trees like our last one) so I guess things worked out for the best. Kyle is getting kicked out, too. When I talked to him yesterday, he was looking for a place to live close to work with one of his D&D buddies. It's good that he's living away from home, but I'm not entirely sure it's wise that he's living with an equally unmotivated friend like that. Yikes. But whatever. Apparently Jared teased Stacey, "You Pedersens and your feelings!" It's what we're into! Honestly. That's how I live my life. It works out great most of the time, except when you're taking tests. Then--notsomuch.

Shawn left me this week. Until Monday. It sucks already. Grrrr.... And on top of everything I have so much homework and studying to do. Puke. A great deal of it will be done before Saturday, which is good, but still. Stressed! And he's at home hanging out with his family having a great old time. *fist shakeage* You won't get away with this!

One last note: I've decided to forget about the whole 12 dollars and Josh thing. I've decided to forget about him, and just quit worrying about it and getting infuriated and defiant all over again. He's ridiculous. There's no explanation for him or his behavior. All I can say in my parting words is that I wish him all the happiness, and not to be surprised if he receives one of the following on his door or in his mailbox addressed to him:

PS: Miss and love you Shawn! Have a nice weekend! And try to get as much homework done as possible, because we'll, um... have a lot of catching up to do next week. ASAP. I'll try to do the same as well. And tell your family "hi!" for me. Like that: "hi!" They'll know what it means.

Self-destructive behavior

I've got the best parents. Hands down. EASY. But that still doesn't mean that there are some aspects innate in both of them (although mostly my mom. Sorry mommy I love you you're swell!) that I'm terrified of having myself. Mostly money management. Not that my mom is all that terrible. But every now and then she flips out and spends ridiculous amounts on her hobbies, big sister trips, etc., without a second thought to my Dad. While mine is understandably on a much smaller scale, I still every now and then flip out and spend 50-100 dollars on things I really don't need but for that split second I REALLY REALLY want. Which is awful. I don't want to put my husband through that much frustration and eye-rollage. It's funny, but even though Shawn and I are only dating, I still sometimes feel guilty towards him if I spend what I deem a lot of money on something I don't really need. Even if he's not there, or thinks it's ultimately great that I got it. I KNOW! He says I'm too hard on myself, which is true to a certain extent, but come on! I'm getting ridiculous. I bought these Clinique perfumey things today. Even though it was geared towards buying for mother's day, it's exactly what I wanted :) Te, hee. I can't help it! Do you think I lack self-discipline? I sure do. I've been thinking a lot about certain things lately, and I realized sometimes I'm too hard on Shawn. I try not to show it, but I think it's a good sign that as of a week or two ago (and especially in the past couple of days) I've gone back to just yelling at Josh in my head instead of Shawn. I argue a lot in my head. It's a real problem. And MAN I let the expletives fly. Anyway, he said something offhand yesterday that reminded me of something I think I heard in Freshman year--something along the lines of make sure you ACT like the one, too, instead of being so concerned with finding the one. Does that make sense? Like you should make sure you're doing things right first and foremost, before you start railing into other people for not doing the same, especially significant others that you know try just as hard as you. Or more. I hope I'm getting my point across. Anyway, things are looking up! Can't wait for the summer. So I can draw and tan. Guilt-free.

I've got blisters on my fingers!

So I broke another nail. So I overreacted and cut all my nails the same length. REALLY short. And man I'm regretting it because first they always tingle and feel funny, but by the next day they just get hypersensitive and painful and now it really hurts to type. And it's not like I cut them too short! On most of them there's still quite a bit of white showing. That's just the risk you take when you grow your nails long. Argh. I went grocery shopping yesterday. Spent exorbitant amounts of money, most of it on healthy food that I'm absolutely determined to eat this time! I even brought my carrot sticks (with dip--it's the only way you'll get me to eat especially apples :) ) to work to eat, instead of chips. Which I also bought but never mind. I even bought spinach. I stand all amazed. I cleaned the house. I just need to vacuum, do another load of dishes and finish my laundry, and it'll be sparkling! Until my roommate comes home. Argh. She's been gone for nearly three weeks now, which is kind of nice, except she left a few messes around, and when she drops in (she's been staying at a friends house) sometimes she'll leave trash on the counter. Usually she's not really bad about cleanliness, but yeeesh. COME ON. I'm tryingsohard here! I rented a movie (AND PAID FOR THAT FREAKING 12 DOLLAR LATE FEE THAT JOSH OWED ME BACK IN DECEMBER! IHATEHIM!!!) that was made by the same guy that made Raise the Red Lantern and The Road Home. Rachel preferred the former, while I'm in love with the latter, but adored both movies. The first one is just a lot sadder and darker. Anyway, way excited about this one. I WAS going to watch it before class today as I put away clothes and such, BUT when Rachel left last night SHE TOOK IT! MY MOVIE! THE CHEEK! And her phone is probably off which means she didn't get the angry text message I sent her this morning. I'm not mad. I'll get even. Just kidding. Actually I'm really grateful to her because she was the one that took me shopping. My Hero-ine. Thing. Gotta go!