details

So I told my boss about my... liberation problems, and she let me borrow her car to secure...independence? I can't think of any real effective euphemisms that doesn't simultaneously evoke images of the Revolutionary War. So thankfully I didn't have to go through the whole day... questioning my patriotism...

Apparently they're thinking about cutting back on secretaries. While my job isn't in jeopardy, the constant upkeep of my blog and e-mails are--we're not allowed to use the computer for personal use any more. Although we can at least still thankfully do homework. Hopefully this only lasts for a couple of weeks, because the summer will be hell if I can't talk to friends online. Or write in my blog. Or do anything beyond sit there and get intensely confused over the clinical psychology budget. Argh.

Today's stressful. And yesterday was insane. Can't wait for the semester to be over. And I'm so proud of myself. I registered for classes for fall semester, and four out of five of my classes satisfy GE requirements. And the fifth one is a painting class which will greatly contribute to my art portfolio. Can you imagine me being 100% productive like that? Weird, huh. No random just for fun classes for yours truly. I guess people can change... right? RIGHT??!?!

Annie waits... for the last time

Here are some things about me that you may or may not have known.

My mom REALLY wanted me. My grandma was so tickled by how desperately my mom wanted a girl that if I were a boy, she would get to keep me. They both got what they wanted, I guess! (but my grandma didn't get to keep Kyle, which is something I'm sure she was later grateful for...)
As a girl I was to be called Annie. If I were a boy it would've been Andy. Since we were twins, we couldn't be called Annie and Andy. Think about it. I still hold a grudge against Kyle, considering the name Annie is WAY cuter than Kari as a girls name. Kari is one of those androgenous names, although it is a bit more girlish than boyish. I mean hey, look at Cary Elwes.

I feel guilty if I don't dry my hair in the morning (although without fail, I always dry my bangs, or fringe as the English call it. I know. Weird). So if you see me sporting a ponytail, you can be rest assured that I'm nursing a major guilt trip.

Sometimes I don't wash my face at night just to be defiant. Or because I think I've earned the right not to--"Hey, I had a REALLY rough day and I'm tired! I deserve not to have to get proper ready for bed!"

This one time, the most popular and cutest boy in school (he was a sixth grader, I think I was a fourth grader), named Kenny, went up to me... and asked me... if my name was Penelope. After I said no, he turned around and went back to his group of friends and they all laughed at him. In the group was a girl named Dawn. When I was a first grader, we used to have these buddies that would come to class, and she was mine. I was her "hairdo friend." I don't think either of us really knew what that meant, except it sounded really cool at the time.

I feel guilty for just wanting to be a mom. Pressure from the sis doesn't help much either.

I don't really see the value in having artistic talents. As far as talents go, I think having it in the medical fields are much more contributing to this world. Which isn't necessarily right--everyone has different talents for a reason, but I'm not sure if I'd rather add to choices and quality of life, rather than contributing to the quality (and possibility) of health and existence, if that makes sense. Making pretty pictures doesn't really help anyone long-term. It just makes you say "got it" and walk on.

I put the trash bin at the curb this morning! It's probably the first time ever I've done that since moving here. Maybe second time. But doubtful.

I get really irritated if my roommate leaves a couple of things out, or leaves things in the fridge for exorbitant amounts of time, although I do the same (at least the former) but much worse.

I'm very particular about HOW people say my name--I'm not talking pronunciation, I'm talking inflection and tone. I hate the way Poncho says it. Like he knows a secret about me or something. It's icky. Don't tell him! I love the way the English say it. ALL of them. It's adorable. And they always say it so carefully the first time, like it's the first time they've EVER uttered the name. Like the 'r' has nothing to do with the first syllable.

I have COMPLETELY fainted on three separate occasions. I've come very close countless times. The most embarrassing though was when my best friend Amber Longhurst (now Brueseke) and I were sitting up on her bathroom counter, in I think the sixth grade, and she was desperately trying to put her contacts in. She was having a difficult time, and I was holding my breath as I watched her. So I basically forgot to breathe and completely passed out. Luckily her mom was standing behind us and caught me as I fell back. Here's the embarrassing part that I leave out when I tell this story to people. Apparently I snored as I fell back. *Blush* Out like a light.

Ouch. I just REALLY hurt my back lifting up a big box of xerox paper for a professor. My coworker's chair was sticking out enough that I couldn't lift it up all the way just yet, thereby stressing out my back as we both noticed and she pulled it back. Man alive.

One of the reasons why I don't like to cry is if I'm completely out and out bawling (which I think only Janay has seen in the past several years, at least friends-wise), I hyperventilate and I start to black out. A REALLY scary thing when you're driving!

Honestly, I don't care either way about the smell of most flowers. I think the great majority smell the same. There are, of course, a few exceptions.

Most of the things I love doing, I hate doing as well.

While I was looking up pictures for this blog, I came across some facts about Cary Elwes. Not only is his last name pronounced "el-wez" (I always thought it was el-wess) but he's not gay. Apparently he's happily married. Um... whoops.

I nearly just died of embarrassment. For the first time in my life, I forgot to put on a bra. Not really sure when I have the time to go home and put one on. And it's going to be a long day. I've been at work for an hour, and didn't notice until I had to walk to the mail room to drop something off. Luckily I'm wearing a sweater, but it's still a bit chilly. BLUSH! And I was so proud of myself for remembering everything. So of course, being Kari, I forgot a basic. Now if I had been an Annie...

We're Still Fighting It

Next time you're listening to that Ben Folds song, walk up stairs. I did this morning and it made me want to Carpe the Diem. Isn't it funny how certain songs are great but only when driving, walking, getting ready in the mornings, and/or cleaning? And I'm not talking about moods. Although let's talk about moods. Kari moods, if I may.
It's easy to tell how I'm feeling if you pay attention to the music I'm listening to at that particular time. While this is not completely foolproof, it's a good guide to go by.

Listen to Careful when you're cleaning. Listen to Oldies when getting ready in the mornings--Monkees, Beatles and Mamas and the Papas and John Denver are always safe bets. Or Belle and Sebastian. Listen to B & S or David Bowie when walking. It makes you actually like people instead of get incredibly frustrated at how they're walking right in a group right in front of you while walking at a snail-pace. Listen to Pink Floyd when driving.

When I'm feeling slightly or incredibly depressed, or a bit upset I listen to:
Cat Stevens
Badly Drawn Boy
Carole King
Etta James

Actually, because I'm feelin' it, I'm going to put the ultimate Kari depressive or just feeling pensive music list. Now some of these are actuallly kind of happy songs, but they still make me feel a bit sad for some reason. Don't ask me why.

Trouble--Cat Stevens
A Minor Incident and Silent Sigh by Badly Drawn Boy
Home Again by Carole King
Vienna--Billy Joel
Father and Farther by Jim Boyd
I Will Follow You Into the Dark--Death Cab for Cutie
Never Surrender--Corey Hart
Good Day--Dresden Dolls
Summer and Piano Stories by Joe Hisaishi
Never My Love -- The Association
You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
Ticket to Ride--The Beatles
I Need You (That Thing You Do)- The Wonders
Making Love Out of Nothing at All - Air Supply
Total Eclipse of the Heart--Bonnie Tyler
She Talks to Angels--Black Crowes
Please Don't Tell Her--Jason Mraz
Tonight (And the Rest of my life)--Nora Gordon
Ooh La La--The Faces
Boston--Augustana
Lightning Crashes--Live
It Looks Like You--Lick the Tins
Two Points for Honesty, Careful and Demon by Guster
All I Could do was Cry--Etta James (basically anything she does)
At the Dark End of the Streets--The Commitments
Fidelity--Regina Spektor
You and Me--Cranberries
Wish You Were Here--Pink Floyd
Heart of Mine--Peter Sallett
Angel Eyes--Jim Brickman
Buried--Shawn Wiggins
One Way Love--EG Daily
People Like Us by The Talking Heads
Out of My Head--Fastball

Here are my blissfully happy songs
All The Way Up to Heaven--Guster
I want you to want me--Cheap Trick
Let My Love Open the Door--Pete Townshend
Life on Mars--David Bowie
I've Just Seen a Face, Act Naturally and I Will by The Beatles
Annie Waits and Zac and Sara by Ben Folds
Wild Wild Life--Talking Heads
Wonderful World--Sam Cooke
Downtown and I know a Place--Petula Clark
Dream a Little Dream of Me and This is Dedicated (To the One I love)--The Mamas and the Papas
Baby I Love to See you Smile, Short People, Political Science--Randy Newman (among others)
Your Song--Love Psychedelico
Crazy Little Thing Called Love--Queen
Stacey's Mom--Fountains of Wayne (makes me laugh every time I hear it)
Brand New Key--Melanie
Heart of Mine--Peter Sallett (I know! It depends what mood I'm in to begin with)
You Turn Me On (I'm a Radio)--Joni Mitchell
Who Put the Bomp--Barry Mann
Funny Little Frog and If She Wants me by Belle and Sebastian
Picturesque--Bryce Kulak
What I like about You--The Romantics
Rock this Town and Stray Cat Strut by the Stray Cats
You might Think--The Cars
I Believe in a Thing Called Love--The Darkness
Concrete and Clay--Units 4+2
Everyday I write the Book--Elvis Costello
Burning Love--Elvis Presley
Every Little Thing she does is Magic--The Police
We're Going to Be Friends and Hotel Yorba by The White Stripes
Be Gentle with Me and My Tiger and Me--The Boy Least Likely To
Because--Dave Clark Five
Tribute--Tenacious D

These lists are by no means complete. Anyway I'm embarrassed that I've done this because I fully expect make-funnage from my boyfriend and close friends by some of the choices. And it seems rather Emo to do something like this doesn't it? Ew. Sigh.

I've been watching The Tenth Kingdom, borrowed from Janay. It's a miniseries. I remember when it played on TV. Wow I must be desperate for entertainment. It gets kind of tedious working on art though with nothing in the background. I'm surprised that Diane Weist agreed to do it. Pretty horrifying Janay. But as far as mindless cheesy entertainment goes, it gets the job done.

Shawn came home yesterday! Finally. The whole waiting thing was ridiculous. Janay and Rachel agree that Shawn could be the next Kurt Cobain. Would that possibly make me the next Courtney Love? Ew. No Shawn, NO. I totally support you in your music, but I'm telling you right now, I will not support your drug habits. And I don't expect you to support mine.

Getting so exciting!

So is it wrong that it totally made my day that when I got ready this morning and was listening to the radio I caught the last minute of "Afternoon Delight" on the Oldies station? It was kind of nice to finally hear more of the lyrics that even in Arrested Development were found to be so suggestive and inappropriate. Te, hee. And YES they were!

I had the strangest dream last night. First of all, myself and maybe (?) Shawn (someone else was there, but I can't remember) were in an art museum, and we ran into Angelina Jolie. She was so small! Not as short as me but smaller than expected. Anyway, she starts to pitch something like Mary Kay to us! We agreed to let her come over later, which she did. And it turned out that she and Brad Pitt had broken up like a year ago, and she was now with Gary Sinise. Yeah, I know. WEIRD. So she comes over to my house like the next day or something, with all this makeup and stuff, and she tells us all about it, but doesn't try to sell it to us!!!! Yeah, I'm confused, too. Anyway, it switches over to where I'm now at church, about 15 minutes before sacrament is to begin, and my mom comes over to me with a flute, asking if I wanted it, saying that she wanted to run it by me first, because Stacey always gets EVERYTHING (which is true!!! But it's funny because I think THINK Stacey owns that flute in real life, back from elementary school). I'm like "MOM! I can't play it! I've tried to play the flute!" I demonstrated and sure enough, nothing really came out. But there was a hole at the tip of the flute, and I blew into that, and music came out! And I played it almost like a clarinet. I know. Weird. But what was even weirder was that I started to improvise on it, and this great song came out! And my mom beckoned for these guys to come over (which included Tyler, of Tyler Bell, and Elder Thomas, now McKay, who was both a District Leader and Zone Leader to me on my mission. But not at the same time, and probably Shawn. He's always in my dream somewhere, and a couple of other guys whom I can't recall) and I tried to start playing again, and it was rough at first, but then I started to play Kari's Waltz, the little instrumental that Shawn once wrote for me to cheer me up, and they started singing along to it! And somehow they all knew the words, even though they were making it up as they went along!

Needless to say the song is now firmly stuck in my head.

Nothing more than FEELINGS

Wow, yesterday was a BIG DAY. BIG TIME. A lot of news. A LOT OF NEWS. One of which ISN'T that Smith's carries honey roasted sunflower seeds, which I have been looking for since literally elementary school. They're heaven itself. That would've been news from earlier this week. I made this delicious meal from scratch yesterday, too. I'd describe it to you, but you'd probably be grossed out, but I was raised on it, and it's delicious! Without measuring utensils either. Just vague directions from my mommy over the phone. And *sob* I like a punk/alternative song. Isn't that sick? I didn't know at the time I promise! The first time I heard it was from a Battlestar Galactica commercial on TV. It's "It Ends Tonight" by *shudder* The All-American Rejects. They think that just because I like ONE song like that, that I'll suddenly convert and start wearing black eyeliner. Yeah, right... Um... (it's black/brown eyeliner, and WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!!!).

Anyway, I digress. BIG NEWS:

My sister, after she and her husband have been trying for five years (intermittently, as he was in Iraq for months at a time throughout), is six weeks pregnant! She was absolutely dumbfounded when she found out, as was Jared, but more than anything thrilled beyond measure. We all have our fingers crossed that things will work out. She said she will probably be able to hear the baby's heart beat within a week or two. Something like that. She'll be out of the most/main danger in another six weeks. I said to avoid any possible complications she should be confined to bed or at least her hobby table. She agreed, but the plan didn't sound very plausible. Unless you move the kitchen into her room. At least that's how things are going to be when I get pregnant. Can't wait to not feel so guilty about being so lazy (but what about the baby?!?! I can't lift that/cook that/make that/clean that/do that/I suppose I could eat that...). I mean... what? No I don't think I'll be that bad. Close... but... um... no. Unless under doctor's orders. Anyway, they've been feeling this coming for awhile, but still flabbergasted when it actually HAPPENED. They had talked to their bishop I think prior to finding out, and he had similar words of comfort for them as well. Dah dah dahhhhh... The feelings one gets!

My parent's house fell through. They were already moved in and everything. But the funny thing is, they feel really relieved about it! Of course, disappointed and my Dad, upon asking, said he felt "lousy" at the idea of having to repack and move everything to storage and find a place to live all in one weekend. Blech. Poor guys. But they both felt like they were just "too middle-class" for such a nice home! They could've scrounged up the last minute money they needed for an unexpected bill that came up, but decided ultimately against it. They just got out of debt, and wouldn't want to have to deal with that again any time soon. Good times. They're so funny. Neither of them felt good about the place after they moved in, (my mom said she felt too exposed, since the house wasn't surrounded by big potentially dangerous evergreen/cedar trees like our last one) so I guess things worked out for the best. Kyle is getting kicked out, too. When I talked to him yesterday, he was looking for a place to live close to work with one of his D&D buddies. It's good that he's living away from home, but I'm not entirely sure it's wise that he's living with an equally unmotivated friend like that. Yikes. But whatever. Apparently Jared teased Stacey, "You Pedersens and your feelings!" It's what we're into! Honestly. That's how I live my life. It works out great most of the time, except when you're taking tests. Then--notsomuch.

Shawn left me this week. Until Monday. It sucks already. Grrrr.... And on top of everything I have so much homework and studying to do. Puke. A great deal of it will be done before Saturday, which is good, but still. Stressed! And he's at home hanging out with his family having a great old time. *fist shakeage* You won't get away with this!

One last note: I've decided to forget about the whole 12 dollars and Josh thing. I've decided to forget about him, and just quit worrying about it and getting infuriated and defiant all over again. He's ridiculous. There's no explanation for him or his behavior. All I can say in my parting words is that I wish him all the happiness, and not to be surprised if he receives one of the following on his door or in his mailbox addressed to him:

PS: Miss and love you Shawn! Have a nice weekend! And try to get as much homework done as possible, because we'll, um... have a lot of catching up to do next week. ASAP. I'll try to do the same as well. And tell your family "hi!" for me. Like that: "hi!" They'll know what it means.

Self-destructive behavior

I've got the best parents. Hands down. EASY. But that still doesn't mean that there are some aspects innate in both of them (although mostly my mom. Sorry mommy I love you you're swell!) that I'm terrified of having myself. Mostly money management. Not that my mom is all that terrible. But every now and then she flips out and spends ridiculous amounts on her hobbies, big sister trips, etc., without a second thought to my Dad. While mine is understandably on a much smaller scale, I still every now and then flip out and spend 50-100 dollars on things I really don't need but for that split second I REALLY REALLY want. Which is awful. I don't want to put my husband through that much frustration and eye-rollage. It's funny, but even though Shawn and I are only dating, I still sometimes feel guilty towards him if I spend what I deem a lot of money on something I don't really need. Even if he's not there, or thinks it's ultimately great that I got it. I KNOW! He says I'm too hard on myself, which is true to a certain extent, but come on! I'm getting ridiculous. I bought these Clinique perfumey things today. Even though it was geared towards buying for mother's day, it's exactly what I wanted :) Te, hee. I can't help it! Do you think I lack self-discipline? I sure do. I've been thinking a lot about certain things lately, and I realized sometimes I'm too hard on Shawn. I try not to show it, but I think it's a good sign that as of a week or two ago (and especially in the past couple of days) I've gone back to just yelling at Josh in my head instead of Shawn. I argue a lot in my head. It's a real problem. And MAN I let the expletives fly. Anyway, he said something offhand yesterday that reminded me of something I think I heard in Freshman year--something along the lines of make sure you ACT like the one, too, instead of being so concerned with finding the one. Does that make sense? Like you should make sure you're doing things right first and foremost, before you start railing into other people for not doing the same, especially significant others that you know try just as hard as you. Or more. I hope I'm getting my point across. Anyway, things are looking up! Can't wait for the summer. So I can draw and tan. Guilt-free.

I've got blisters on my fingers!

So I broke another nail. So I overreacted and cut all my nails the same length. REALLY short. And man I'm regretting it because first they always tingle and feel funny, but by the next day they just get hypersensitive and painful and now it really hurts to type. And it's not like I cut them too short! On most of them there's still quite a bit of white showing. That's just the risk you take when you grow your nails long. Argh. I went grocery shopping yesterday. Spent exorbitant amounts of money, most of it on healthy food that I'm absolutely determined to eat this time! I even brought my carrot sticks (with dip--it's the only way you'll get me to eat especially apples :) ) to work to eat, instead of chips. Which I also bought but never mind. I even bought spinach. I stand all amazed. I cleaned the house. I just need to vacuum, do another load of dishes and finish my laundry, and it'll be sparkling! Until my roommate comes home. Argh. She's been gone for nearly three weeks now, which is kind of nice, except she left a few messes around, and when she drops in (she's been staying at a friends house) sometimes she'll leave trash on the counter. Usually she's not really bad about cleanliness, but yeeesh. COME ON. I'm tryingsohard here! I rented a movie (AND PAID FOR THAT FREAKING 12 DOLLAR LATE FEE THAT JOSH OWED ME BACK IN DECEMBER! IHATEHIM!!!) that was made by the same guy that made Raise the Red Lantern and The Road Home. Rachel preferred the former, while I'm in love with the latter, but adored both movies. The first one is just a lot sadder and darker. Anyway, way excited about this one. I WAS going to watch it before class today as I put away clothes and such, BUT when Rachel left last night SHE TOOK IT! MY MOVIE! THE CHEEK! And her phone is probably off which means she didn't get the angry text message I sent her this morning. I'm not mad. I'll get even. Just kidding. Actually I'm really grateful to her because she was the one that took me shopping. My Hero-ine. Thing. Gotta go!