I've got the best parents. Hands down. EASY. But that still doesn't mean that there are some aspects innate in both of them (although mostly my mom. Sorry mommy I love you you're swell!) that I'm terrified of having myself. Mostly money management. Not that my mom is all that terrible. But every now and then she flips out and spends ridiculous amounts on her hobbies, big sister trips, etc., without a second thought to my Dad. While mine is understandably on a much smaller scale, I still every now and then flip out and spend 50-100 dollars on things I really don't need but for that split second I REALLY REALLY want. Which is awful. I don't want to put my husband through that much frustration and eye-rollage. It's funny, but even though Shawn and I are only dating, I still sometimes feel guilty towards him if I spend what I deem a lot of money on something I don't really need. Even if he's not there, or thinks it's ultimately great that I got it. I KNOW! He says I'm too hard on myself, which is true to a certain extent, but come on! I'm getting ridiculous. I bought these Clinique perfumey things today. Even though it was geared towards buying for mother's day, it's exactly what I wanted :) Te, hee. I can't help it! Do you think I lack self-discipline? I sure do. I've been thinking a lot about certain things lately, and I realized sometimes I'm too hard on Shawn. I try not to show it, but I think it's a good sign that as of a week or two ago (and especially in the past couple of days) I've gone back to just yelling at Josh in my head instead of Shawn. I argue a lot in my head. It's a real problem. And MAN I let the expletives fly. Anyway, he said something offhand yesterday that reminded me of something I think I heard in Freshman year--something along the lines of make sure you ACT like the one, too, instead of being so concerned with finding the one. Does that make sense? Like you should make sure you're doing things right first and foremost, before you start railing into other people for not doing the same, especially significant others that you know try just as hard as you. Or more. I hope I'm getting my point across. Anyway, things are looking up! Can't wait for the summer. So I can draw and tan. Guilt-free.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Self-destructive behavior
I've got the best parents. Hands down. EASY. But that still doesn't mean that there are some aspects innate in both of them (although mostly my mom. Sorry mommy I love you you're swell!) that I'm terrified of having myself. Mostly money management. Not that my mom is all that terrible. But every now and then she flips out and spends ridiculous amounts on her hobbies, big sister trips, etc., without a second thought to my Dad. While mine is understandably on a much smaller scale, I still every now and then flip out and spend 50-100 dollars on things I really don't need but for that split second I REALLY REALLY want. Which is awful. I don't want to put my husband through that much frustration and eye-rollage. It's funny, but even though Shawn and I are only dating, I still sometimes feel guilty towards him if I spend what I deem a lot of money on something I don't really need. Even if he's not there, or thinks it's ultimately great that I got it. I KNOW! He says I'm too hard on myself, which is true to a certain extent, but come on! I'm getting ridiculous. I bought these Clinique perfumey things today. Even though it was geared towards buying for mother's day, it's exactly what I wanted :) Te, hee. I can't help it! Do you think I lack self-discipline? I sure do. I've been thinking a lot about certain things lately, and I realized sometimes I'm too hard on Shawn. I try not to show it, but I think it's a good sign that as of a week or two ago (and especially in the past couple of days) I've gone back to just yelling at Josh in my head instead of Shawn. I argue a lot in my head. It's a real problem. And MAN I let the expletives fly. Anyway, he said something offhand yesterday that reminded me of something I think I heard in Freshman year--something along the lines of make sure you ACT like the one, too, instead of being so concerned with finding the one. Does that make sense? Like you should make sure you're doing things right first and foremost, before you start railing into other people for not doing the same, especially significant others that you know try just as hard as you. Or more. I hope I'm getting my point across. Anyway, things are looking up! Can't wait for the summer. So I can draw and tan. Guilt-free.
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Yelling at people in your head is ALWAYS a good idea. Except when you're walking on campus and you mimic the facial expressions your using in your fantasy. That can be a bit awkward.
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